My First Drag Show

Apparently I am the only person alive that has never been to a drag show. Strike that . . . who had never been to a drag show. That's right boys and girls, I went to my first drag show Friday night. Megan, KJ and I went to Halo and met Trey (KJ's roommate) and his boyfriend Ryan.

Well folks, it was an experience unto itself. The show was a blast, but I have to tell you, it was a rough night for me. When Megan, KJ and I came in, I saw a friend at the door. While I have known he was gay for a while, he had never said anything directly to me about it, probably because I work in athletics, and that field is not necessarily populated with gay-friendly people. I am an exception to that rule.

Well, so my friend (we'll call him Jimmy to protect the innocent) starts out talking to me about business stuff. We hadn't talked to each other for a while, so there was a lot to catch up on. He tried to catch up on everything all at once. Megan finally saved me by saying we were going upstairs. Jimmy decided to come with us.

Upstairs at the bar, he asks me if Megan is my girlfriend. I explained that we used to date, but now we are just very close friends. He says that was his veiled question for the evening. To which I said, "Well, if your asking if I'm gay; I am not, but I do not have a problem with your lifestyle."

I thought that was a very polite thing to say. It will become obvious over the course of the next few sentences that I should have been rude instead.

So Jimmy proceeds to tell me his story of being gay and how hard it is in our conservative city, especially working where he does. He tells me how he was outed by some mutual friends and how he gets very affectionate when he gets drunk. In retrospect, I don't think a truer statement has ever been made.

Megan, KJ, Trey, Ryan and I try to leave to go over to watch the start of the drag show, but Jimmy stops me to introduce me to his friends. One of them asks me if I find our community to be stifling. My mind was yelling, "I AM NOT GAY!" but I said, "Well, it's a conservative town, so I guess some could consider it stifling." Wow, how I've grown as a person.

Finally we break free and move over nearer the dance floor. Jimmy follows. He proceeds to give me back rubs, back scratches and head rubs. I am a nice guy. I have my limits. I am approaching fight status. Here is where props go out to my friends; they try to deflect Jimmy's advances. Unfortunately there were some breakdowns in the strategy.

So, the drag show begins, and the emcee says, "All the gay women in the house make some noise," followed by the gay men, and then the straight men. Here comes the straw that broke the camel's back. I am the camel, FYI. Brace yourself.

When the emcee says straight men make some noise, Jimmy reaches out and grabs my ass. OK, more than grabs, more like a grab/poke/tickle. Needless to say, I flip out. I tell him directly to never do that again (and wish he never had in the first place).

So after several more uncomfortable moments, including his rubbing Megan's shoulders and telling me,"I'll pump up the tires, and you can ride it home" -- seriously what the f*ck does that even mean? -- Jimmy takes off.

So there you have it: my first drag show, complete with molestation. It really was a fun night with an unfortunate subplot. Let's hope Jimmy is embarrassed today. Special thanks to Megan for letting me dance on her to make me feel better and for buying me a few Shiner Bocks, also to make me feel better.